It has been far overdue for me to write about what I am working to make happen artistically. I talk and talk with people but the real answer probably lies quietly waiting for me to spend some time alone and battle this out. To take it on and fight with it until it comes. It won't be so easy for me this time, my goals and ambitions are rising to levels beyond my safely calculated talent.

I have a big vision. I have expressed it a million times and it is no closer to fruition than when I conceived of it so long ago. I want to create sex driven Rumi inspired paintings. They seem dark or colorful. Maybe both? Farsi and English. All my crazy love stories, I want to paint them into this series, and have Rumi's fatherly kind voice inserting spirit and some kind of calm into my self created chaos. I want to address all the issues and complexities and beauty of open love. I want to set sex free by promoting some kind of love. I want to express love and come to know God in these paintings.

The idea is so profound that I feel so small every time I stand before it, ready to finally start working. I am humbled, I feel insignificant. I should tell you about the old man artist at the counter of Veselka who told me that I have to paint, that the muse is speaking through me and that I have no choice.

I have recent events transpired that can and do really feed this concept. I should vent them into the work rather than allowing it all to be some kind of major crisis, worth sitting around and stewing over. Detracting and drowning myself in the abyss of self analysis. Them analysis. Everything analysis. Stop thinking! Start painting.

What is God. What is love. What is sex. How do they all come together, what is the story that I am trying to tell. It is sad and lonely. It is full and healthy. It is chaos and many emotions and it can be tragic and sick and stuffed and fearful. Open your heart. Just beyond fear is love. But what is love? Do I know it well enough to even attempt to paint. I am nothing but confusion and madness for love. It has never been a peaceful thing for me.

Maybe this project will take me there...