It has been far overdue for me to write about what I am working to make happen artistically. I talk and talk with people but the real answer probably lies quietly waiting for me to spend some time alone and battle this out. To take it on and fight with it until it comes. It won't be so easy for me this time, my goals and ambitions are rising to levels beyond my safely calculated talent.

I have a big vision. I have expressed it a million times and it is no closer to fruition than when I conceived of it so long ago. I want to create sex driven Rumi inspired paintings. They seem dark or colorful. Maybe both? Farsi and English. All my crazy love stories, I want to paint them into this series, and have Rumi's fatherly kind voice inserting spirit and some kind of calm into my self created chaos. I want to address all the issues and complexities and beauty of open love. I want to set sex free by promoting some kind of love. I want to express love and come to know God in these paintings.

The idea is so profound that I feel so small every time I stand before it, ready to finally start working. I am humbled, I feel insignificant. I should tell you about the old man artist at the counter of Veselka who told me that I have to paint, that the muse is speaking through me and that I have no choice.

I have recent events transpired that can and do really feed this concept. I should vent them into the work rather than allowing it all to be some kind of major crisis, worth sitting around and stewing over. Detracting and drowning myself in the abyss of self analysis. Them analysis. Everything analysis. Stop thinking! Start painting.

What is God. What is love. What is sex. How do they all come together, what is the story that I am trying to tell. It is sad and lonely. It is full and healthy. It is chaos and many emotions and it can be tragic and sick and stuffed and fearful. Open your heart. Just beyond fear is love. But what is love? Do I know it well enough to even attempt to paint. I am nothing but confusion and madness for love. It has never been a peaceful thing for me.

Maybe this project will take me there...

designing beauty

need to do something - write something around beauty.

i've never been the beauty queen. i have a mild interest in beauty personally, but from a break the rules perspective. i think sometimes about doing an alt site, personal deviations to the rules, the bad girl guide to beauty.

for now though, i write for beauty. our philosophy is after all, to give great beauty advice. and i am currently the voice, the only one that cares to be that voice, a void to be filled in this great blue vapidly changing beauty brand.

an element and a color. who are we anyway. steel, strong, stylish. blue. organize, mobilize. your best work these days is coming through, so press on. i will. i must.

headmaster the effort. create. i've found myself overwhelmed and at overwhelm i see myself sticking my head in the sand. hold high the head. disengage from the personal and insert your eyes into the heads of today's everyday high class woman. today's woman wants to know how to be beautiful, to open the door to love and admiration. so how to invite her into our house, to discover her door opening tactics of great skin and high class color? that is the question that we ask our selves when constructing and creating the work i do.

but it automatically causes me to also rebel in the beauty boxom of branding, to brand a different brazen version of beauty, a raw, cutting, against the rules kinda woman, with wild hair and flashing eyes smokey from last nights heavy eyelining and mascara..

which i can't help but find pleasure in exemplifying.

Painting Gill

The audience boos. Who do you think you are? Get off the stage.

This is being an artist in my head, painting is torturous, they think I know something but on the inside, I'm feeling just as clueless. Can't get it right. Paint over and over. Perfectionist, but nothing is ever perfect. Ever.

Battered raw by the blending last night. over and over I tried. The palm sucks, retarded. What was I thinking? Start over. No time.

bluemercury rising

joining forces.
i saw the gain business of design conference in new york city, and i am convinced that to attend would be in the greatest interest of my job here. i must prepare my facts and have a meeting with rick, proposing that we both attend in the interest of building the most effective creative department this company can have.

the case will hinge upon providing a valid argument for such an entity in the first place. steps to accomplish this:

1-research the competition.
who does sephora's graphics? mac's? department store competitors.
show how all of them have something, and what is proportionally affected as a result.

2-organization/vision of our respective creative machine.

3-what we would handle as a result, given what needs to be done. analysis of available resources would be nice.

4-team. meditate on how to team up as partners to the same goal. define the common goal.

5-that means pay attention to what others are looking to accomplish.

6-i shouldn't forget the resource for case making of that creative book. update it regularly.

the longer vision of departmentdom distracts me.
the conference that we talked about in my interview, this is it. come with me to it. i'll match half my conference fee. lets talk about long term

flatter the ego of a man that has everything banking on that, through success.. ie, i want to learn more about the way you think. find out where schedules and lists are kept, calendars and the like.


gotta make this happen. can. will. determination. faith. courage. heart.